Crazy

I will now share an over-simplified and emotionless reckoning of my own wartime schizophrenia:

The whole of me believes that this war is intended to act as the first step towards the establishment of a global Pax Americana, a campaign that won't be complete until all nations posing any kind of military threat to the U.S. have been not just defeated but wholly subjugated. I further believe that the current administration really believes that this really is the best course for the future of this country, perhaps even for the future of the world.

The vocal minority in my head accepts this idea, because America has been good to me and mine, and if I must be a member of any civilization with an aptitude for global domination, it may as well be this one. (This is sort of operating under the Civ-like assumption that every civilization in the world is trying to win, and the wrong one winning would be very very bad.)

The grumbling majority thinks this is a terrible idea, because America has been good to me and mine, and not only would a world-spanning empire very likely result in an unpredictably different sort of nation, but the bloody work involved in making this empire happen would mess up everything in the short term, souring alliances and strengthening enmities abroad, exposing new scarcities and possible dangers at home.

So when I refer to my personal majority/minority, that's what I'm talking about.

(no subject)

Late night night I made a post summarizing my internal parliament's feelings about the war, but marked it private before going to sleep, since I felt somehow doubtful about sharing it. I suppose I didn't want to be seen as an unfeeling cad, since I express no grief at the upcoming loss of life therein, no echoes about hearing a military dude on an NPR talk show yesterday confidently assure that Iraqi civilian deaths would be kept "in the low thousands". After talking about the same ideas with a friend this morning, though, I figure there's nothing to hide, and complete emotional detatchment from the situation is nothing to be ashamed about. (And it's something that comes naturally to me, anyway.) So, it's public again.

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In more local news, I am all but decided against the book right now. We'll see if I'll continue waffling about this, but by some arguments the fact I'm waffling at all is even more evidence that I shouldn't pursue this tack. Chuck still hasn't replied from Friday. Hum.

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Working at the office today, because I was too focused yesterday to remember to tell Erik I'd be home today, and therefore I would not be home today, as per our agreement. I really wish I was home. Bloody noisy, peopley office. Gotta get me a pair of them wireless headphones...