We're going to have to pull you off the ceiling.

[prog]

Holy crap!! You all have to check out this press release that chocorisu stumbled across. It's describing a pep rally for an apparently Amwayish patent-medicine company's "sales associates", and is filled with gems like

"I've been in network marketing for 17 years, and I've never seen anything like this in my entire life," said Jimmy "the Butcher" Smith from Westchester, Penn., at the conclusion of the event. "This event was the no. 1 event I've ever attended."

and

"We haven't made a million dollars yet, but we have a million dollars worth of friends," said Paul Perkins, from Layton, Utah.

Really, practically every paragraph is a jaw-dropper, and the whole thing is utterly sincere.

Comments

[lediva.livejournal.com]

What sort of press release is this where people have their nicknames cited?

[xach.livejournal.com]

"Pizza Today" magazine is almost all like that. It's sad.

[dougo.livejournal.com]

Mmm, hemp seeds.

[chocorisu.livejournal.com]

I dunno about sincere... maybe it's meant to be READ that way.

I feel sorry for the poor saps who get sucked into this cult-like world, where soy husks garner rapturous applause. Horrifying, yet fascinating.

[radtea.livejournal.com]

OMFG that's funny!

Hard to pull a favourite, but I vote for: "This company is going to go into momentum this year". The year after that they're going to go into lepton number!

[samildanach.livejournal.com]

Our college marching band got hired to play gigs like this all the time. It kept us in travel money.