(no subject)

[prog]

Hello friends

My dad's in poor shape again. He's been in the hospital for a week or so since falling down a flight of stairs at home. The problem from my end of things is that I am not sure what is going on, or what if anything I should do; I've heard a mix of news, none from very reliable sources. Dad is the most lucid person I'm immediately related to, but is prevented from telling me about it himself.

The most recent news from mom made it sound like dad had broken something pelvic, and that his prognosis for walking again in his lifetime -- he turns 80 this year -- was "fifty-fifty", a term mom applies to any chance lower than absolute certainty. She is mistrustful of the doctors at the hospital, who according to her are all "Pakistani or something", and all very stupid as well. She called to ask if I could look up a certain heart medicine of dad's online, because she'd heard rumors that it was in the midst of a recall or class-action lawsuit for making people fall down. (Nothing in Google News, and Wikipedia listed diarrhea as its worst side effect. I told her this.)

But god bless her, she's keeping it together, and I can't blame her very much for looking for a way to find some control over this misfortune -- or, failing that, something to be angry at.

As for me, I emerge from an unusually intense period of work, and now it dawns on me that I ought to consider getting involved somehow, even if only to get some first-hand information about the situation. This isn't like the fall of 2004, when dad went in for hip surgery. While difficult and painful, that was a highly controlled excursion, undertaken after months of preparation from both professionals and patient. This isn't that at all, the medical personnel involved are all strangers, and my poor family is so confused.

And so am I, but with the murk of distance, rather than addlement -- all this is unfolding up in central Maine. (Another difference from 2004: I don't own a car any more.) It's not entirely clear what I ought to do. I can get the name and number of the facility dad is in from mom, and then I guess I'll call them and explain myself, asking about my dad's condition? And maybe ask to talk to him himself? Or arrange a visit? I guess I'll figure it out.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

When my grandfather was in the hospital, I did a lot of calling directly to the hospital to get information. It is not an odd thing to do and I would encourage it. Make sure to ask very direct questions and insist on direct answers. The true nature of the situation can be clouded by medical jargin and euphemisums.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts!

-leighjen (not logged in because I'm at work)

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

because of privacy laws, it's harder to get information about a patient, especially over the phone, but it's worth trying; you will probably have to get your mom, or your dad if he's capable, to give them permission to talk to you. I thin k if you can talk directly to the doctors, it will be very helpful for everyone because you'll be able to help explain things, as well as know for yourself whether a trip is a good idea and how urgent it is.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh! Right, I forgot that part. I was given a code number to indicate that I had permission from the next of kin (my grandmother and my mother) to talk to the hospital. It was not a problem once I had the code.

-LJ

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

oh, cool, that's good to know!

[radtea.livejournal.com]

I'd rent, beg or borrow a car and drive up to see him, although there's nothing to be in a panic about. But it might have a few benefits, for yourself and others.

For one, from your descriptions of your family you're the sanest one by a fair margin, and a little sanity can go a long way in these situations.

For two, anything that puts and eighty-year-old man in hospital for a week with a significant probability of not walking again has an unfortunately high likelihood of resulting in a rapidly deteriorating mental state. It isn't clear why but broken hips and/or the bedridden-ness that goes with them seem to be a significant cause of dementia in the elderly.

So while it's perfectly possible your father will recover and be ok--old people continually astonish me with how tough and resilient they are--it's also possible he won't, and it probably wouldn't hurt to see him now whatever happens. He might appreciate seeing you, too.

My 0.02$, take 'em for what they're worth. YMMV and all that. I've just been in similar situations a few times in the past ten or fifteen years and have never regretted to choice to go visit, regardless of the outcome.

Other than that, hang in there. Good luck.

[kahuna-burger.livejournal.com]

Give me a call if you need help with a ride. I'm unfortunately working weekends, but my weekdays are pretty free (as the few weekdays I work are only until 8am)

I can't offer deep advice, so here's some less deep advice

[cnoocy]

Zipcar actually works pretty well for quick day or two-day trips (It's not cheap, but neither is it totally ridiculous) and you can in theory take the train and grab one from farther north, in Durham, NH. Though probably grabbing one that's on the T would be pretty equivalent.

[jtroutman.livejournal.com]

Just seeing this now. Sorry to hear of this.

It is my very firm opinion that the quality of medical care provided is GREATLY influenced by the attentiveness and presence of family members or close friends. I can think of several occasions in the past 10 years where I have caught mistakes made by nurses (one that would have been deadly) while visiting family members and friends in the hospital.

I also saw that the quality of care that Joe Clewley received was improved by having attentive family around him all of the time.

I have been given medical power of attorney twice (when my sister was hit by a car, and when my mom had a series of bad heart attacks). It is a standard form they have in the hospital that you can fill out. It means you have the authority to tell the doctors what to do on patient care decisions, especially when the patient is unable.

It is worth reviewing all medications, and making sure that you know when they need to be taken, and in what quantity. It can be really useful to write out in plain English a full schedule of med doses and times.

Really, the number one thing you can do is to be a sanity checker for the decisions and actions being made. Just pay attention and ask questions as much as you need to. Make them explain their reasons for deciding things certain ways. Unfortunately, the doctors see a lot of patients, and they don't always have time to do things like actually read the patient's medical history or review all medications for any possible interactions or contra-indicator issues. Sometimes different doctors on the same team will not have even discussed the patient between them, and will be trying to do different things!

Even if you are not there, regular phone calls to check on status and review any decisions being made can help.

I am an hour away from either of the Waterville hospitals, if I can be of any assistance.