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How much digital autonomy do your kids have?
A random question to those with children: how much autonomy do you (or do you plan to) give your kids over their digital identities and accounts - desktop files, email, social networks, et cetera? On the continuum between leaving them be entirely, and having full knowledge of all their accounts and passwords, where do you stand?
I recently blew up at a friend in email over learning that someone (not my friend) wanted to slip into their child's Facebook account so that they could use their friends-list to set up a surprise party. This struck a nerve with me, and I wrote an emotionally fueled reply. Today, in email apologizing for my outburst, I put into words, maybe for the first time, my conviction that one's digital spaces, both local and online, are very literally extensions of the mind. To me, access to your digital identity deserves the same level of sanctity as your personal one. Therefore, another person, no matter who they are or how kind and loving their intentions may be, has no more right to impinge on your digital spaces as they do to examine the thoughts in your head.
But: I didn't grow up in an internet-aware household, and I'm not involved with the raising of any of my friends' kids, so I have no experience in knowing how, or even if, this stance applies to children. I certainly accept that parents must have a great deal of direct control on the lives of their young children and teens, or they wouldn't be very effective parents. So, for my own education, I am genuinely curious how the smart and kid-enabled people I know treat this issue.
I recently blew up at a friend in email over learning that someone (not my friend) wanted to slip into their child's Facebook account so that they could use their friends-list to set up a surprise party. This struck a nerve with me, and I wrote an emotionally fueled reply. Today, in email apologizing for my outburst, I put into words, maybe for the first time, my conviction that one's digital spaces, both local and online, are very literally extensions of the mind. To me, access to your digital identity deserves the same level of sanctity as your personal one. Therefore, another person, no matter who they are or how kind and loving their intentions may be, has no more right to impinge on your digital spaces as they do to examine the thoughts in your head.
But: I didn't grow up in an internet-aware household, and I'm not involved with the raising of any of my friends' kids, so I have no experience in knowing how, or even if, this stance applies to children. I certainly accept that parents must have a great deal of direct control on the lives of their young children and teens, or they wouldn't be very effective parents. So, for my own education, I am genuinely curious how the smart and kid-enabled people I know treat this issue.
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I believe in giving children freedom to explore within age appropriate venues. So his level of autonomy will be determined both by age and circumstances. For instance if I could set him up an email account where he could only receive or send emails to a list I set up, I wouldn't particularly feel the need to read those emails. If he was under 12-13 and it was just a regular email account with all manner of spam and only his judgement on what to sign up for, I would be much more likely to check it over regularly. Currently while I let him play online games from a few sites that aren't "kid's sites" but I have a good feel for what kind of games are there, there is one other site that I've told him he cannot play anything but the one game we bookmarked it for, and if I found he was disobeying that there would be steps taken.
I imagine it will be an evolving process depending on the tools at hand and my assessment of his maturity. In principal though I agree that digital privacy is no lesser than any other kind, if he is talking to someone I'm OK with him talking to, I don't need to know exactly what is being said. But under a certain age, I do need to know generally speaking who he is talking to.