How much digital autonomy do your kids have?

[prog]

A random question to those with children: how much autonomy do you (or do you plan to) give your kids over their digital identities and accounts - desktop files, email, social networks, et cetera? On the continuum between leaving them be entirely, and having full knowledge of all their accounts and passwords, where do you stand?

I recently blew up at a friend in email over learning that someone (not my friend) wanted to slip into their child's Facebook account so that they could use their friends-list to set up a surprise party. This struck a nerve with me, and I wrote an emotionally fueled reply. Today, in email apologizing for my outburst, I put into words, maybe for the first time, my conviction that one's digital spaces, both local and online, are very literally extensions of the mind. To me, access to your digital identity deserves the same level of sanctity as your personal one. Therefore, another person, no matter who they are or how kind and loving their intentions may be, has no more right to impinge on your digital spaces as they do to examine the thoughts in your head.

But: I didn't grow up in an internet-aware household, and I'm not involved with the raising of any of my friends' kids, so I have no experience in knowing how, or even if, this stance applies to children. I certainly accept that parents must have a great deal of direct control on the lives of their young children and teens, or they wouldn't be very effective parents. So, for my own education, I am genuinely curious how the smart and kid-enabled people I know treat this issue.

Comments

Re: Children have no rights only privileges

[keimel.livejournal.com]

I think I agree mostly with Taskboy here. At my kids age, yes, they have privileges. Of course, they're only under 10 years old now, so there's not much they do without my knowing about it and yes, I do look at teh web history periodically.

More importantly than their own space at this point, I have tried to start instilling in them the importance of security on things (don't share your password with your friend!) and just barely started into the world of how much information they should provide to others online.

I was recently impressed with a half-sister-in-law that had virtually no identity online that I could google. I was very impressed. Her sister, on the other hand had a myspace space that referenced sexual acts and her preferences in that regard. Yeah, didn't need to know that info. But, thus is my own risk at including their world in mine, I understand.

My concern with the boys presently is their online identities and how they protect their privacy. I want them to know they're allowed to have privacy and as they get older, I'll give it to them. But I'll still reserve the right, as Taskboy mentions, to monitor packets. After all, when they're under 18, they're still MY responsibility. So, I do have to know. But then, I'm also strongly cultivating a relationship of trust between us so that they can talk with me. I hope it keeps working. I hope.

Re: Children have no rights only privileges

[avon.livejournal.com]

My children are all too young for this to be relevant, but as a teacher of high school students, I see the enormous damage that parents can do while "respecting a child's right to privacy". In some cases, the kids get themselves into situations they can not really get out of. In other cases, the kids are the victims of the very real, very nasty digital bullying.

When it comes to a diary or a private space for kids to put their thoughts down - that I believe I is fine. However, blogs, face book and other things that involve INTERACTIONS - that I believe is the parents responcibility to be aware of and to police.