On letting kids win

[prog]

Somewhat confessional post I just made on a Board Game Geek list about ways to let your kids win at different games:

I agree with the spirit of this list but I beg caution and temperance from any parent wishing to employ it.

I remember my early childhood very well, and I am convinced that my ability to fully enjoy games was stunted and delayed by the fact that my parents and older brothers would always let me win at everything. After a while, they started to experiment with playing for real. I'd cry and carry on when I started to lose, and rather than teach me why losing didn't equate to some sort of existential failure , they quickly gave up and just let me win more.

What ultimately developed was the creature we all despise - a sore loser. My young peers quickly discovered that I was a terrible person to play games with, even though I always wanted to play games. When I was a little kid I'd try punching out anyone who out-Monopolied me, and even as late as college I'd storm away from a chessboard or even a video game when things were going poorly. I finally grew out of it by my mid-twenties, just in time to discover the secret world of non-Hasbro games.

I hope this doesn't come across as a "I blame my parents for everything" post. I love my family and realize that they were only trying to help me be happy. But since they didn't really care about games, figuring that they were mainly tools to mollify one's children, their use of them was well-intentioned but misguided.

Since the parents reading this know better than mine did about games, and have an active interest in instilling a lifelong love for them in their children, I urge that they be very careful when it comes to letting the little ones win. I encourage taking a controlling role in gameplay with your very young children, but I urge that you do so in order to let them learn about both winning and losing, and talk to them about what both conditions mean.

Comments

thanks for the link

[kahuna-burger.livejournal.com]

I love this list. :) For the age being discussed and the type of games listed, I found it great and helpful. It reminds me of an article I saw a while back that talked about how below a certain age, children of either gender often didn't like their dads as playmates. Why? Because a lot of dads play to win even with very young kids, even in physical pursuits that a) don't need a winner to be fun, and b) aren't even close in terms of ability.

I apriciate where you're coming from, but since I have back to back memories of constantly losing games in school that make me far worse of a sore loser than you, I'd advise caution in universalizing either experience. And the list includes advice for making losing not a big deal and when to reduce the strategies.