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progA random question to those with children: how much autonomy do you (or do you plan to) give your kids over their digital identities and accounts - desktop files, email, social networks, et cetera? On the continuum between leaving them be entirely, and having full knowledge of all their accounts and passwords, where do you stand?
I recently blew up at a friend in email over learning that someone (not my friend) wanted to slip into their child's Facebook account so that they could use their friends-list to set up a surprise party. This struck a nerve with me, and I wrote an emotionally fueled reply. Today, in email apologizing for my outburst, I put into words, maybe for the first time, my conviction that one's digital spaces, both local and online, are very literally extensions of the mind. To me, access to your digital identity deserves the same level of sanctity as your personal one. Therefore, another person, no matter who they are or how kind and loving their intentions may be, has no more right to impinge on your digital spaces as they do to examine the thoughts in your head.
But: I didn't grow up in an internet-aware household, and I'm not involved with the raising of any of my friends' kids, so I have no experience in knowing how, or even if, this stance applies to children. I certainly accept that parents must have a great deal of direct control on the lives of their young children and teens, or they wouldn't be very effective parents. So, for my own education, I am genuinely curious how the smart and kid-enabled people I know treat this issue.
I recently blew up at a friend in email over learning that someone (not my friend) wanted to slip into their child's Facebook account so that they could use their friends-list to set up a surprise party. This struck a nerve with me, and I wrote an emotionally fueled reply. Today, in email apologizing for my outburst, I put into words, maybe for the first time, my conviction that one's digital spaces, both local and online, are very literally extensions of the mind. To me, access to your digital identity deserves the same level of sanctity as your personal one. Therefore, another person, no matter who they are or how kind and loving their intentions may be, has no more right to impinge on your digital spaces as they do to examine the thoughts in your head.
But: I didn't grow up in an internet-aware household, and I'm not involved with the raising of any of my friends' kids, so I have no experience in knowing how, or even if, this stance applies to children. I certainly accept that parents must have a great deal of direct control on the lives of their young children and teens, or they wouldn't be very effective parents. So, for my own education, I am genuinely curious how the smart and kid-enabled people I know treat this issue.
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:10 pm (UTC)It was clear to me that this was the right thing when I got to college and saw all of the stupid things kids from repressive households did once they were free of their controlling parents for the first time. They were the kids getting regrettable cheap tattoos and piercings, doing way too many drugs, sleeping with everyone within arm's reach, etc. I never felt the need to go overboard because I never felt prevented from going overboard.
Back to the internet -- my childhood was in a more innocent time online. There were definitely less predators I think, or at least they were less organized. Hell it was hard to find legitimate stuff, half a decade before google. But there have always been predators in the real world. I think that this is best dealt with through respectful education -- basically just teach your kids how to be safe, responsible people and life is good. It's not rocket science. Mistakes will happen but hopefully they're minor and that's how we learn.