A Simple Way To Go Faster Than Light That Does Not Work

I just bought some new shoes, finally taking many friends' advice and going to Marathon Sports on Mass Ave. It was everything I was told it would be. I felt a little out of place there since all the other customers were runners, and the first question the saleslady asked me was how much I ran. The answer being not at all, at least not in the sense she meant.

But I walk many miles a day, and at very high speeds (as such things go), and completely wreck every pair of shoes after just a few months. The SL, in fact, said she had never before seen the sort of damage I have managed to inflict on my Eccos after two years of use. (I thought you said "just a few months". Well, they've been busted up for a long time, and I hate shoe-shopping.) The soles, you see, look like someone has taken a knife and, working diagonally, sawed half the heel right off, so that one one side the sole is practically untouched and on the other you can see what color socks I'm wearing.

I let her convince me that getting athletic shoes that correct for the broken I way I walk (pronation) was a healthy choice. The store's reputation says that any advice they give is good and honest. In fact I saw the reputation in action with the following conversation.

SL: Which pair do you like more?
Me: I like these more.
SL: I think I like them better on you too.
Me: Well thank you. But you'd have said that either way, eh?
Another customer [offended]: No, she wouldn't have!!

(Hmm, that makes me sound like an ass. But we'd been joking with each other from the moment I walked in, so I assure you that 'twasn't so.)

The shoes I bought were crazy-looking sneakers, covered in gewgaws as is the norm for contemporary athletic shoes. I don't know when I last wore sneakers, and I've never worn koo-koo sneakers like these before. I'm sure I'll get used to them soon enough.