I want to invent the antipode of Valentine's day, which would take place on every August 14. Its symbol would be a big black playing-card spade. Its purpose would not be to encourage breakups, but rather to provide an opportune time to reëvaluate one's active relationships, and perhaps recognize those that aren't flourishing and act to prune them if necessary. (See, we can really build off this whole horticultural metaphor.) For one day, the national zeitgeist will be attuned to this painful and reluctant process, a whole support structure in place to offer resolve to the dumper and comfort to the dumped.
It just needs a name.
Seriously. I want to go all the way with this. Can't you see all the greeting cards that naturally spring forth from this idea? Little wacky spade-waving cartoon animals on black-trimmed, doggerel-filled holiday cards? And the cupid-type holiday mascot, instead of heart-tipped arrows, he'd have, like, a big fuckin' spade-tipped partisan. Oh dude.
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