It starts.

[prog]

One of many ads we've sprinkled over Google, actually. But this one has my favorite copy. Zarf wrote the last line. (Yes, it would be better with "and", but there is a 35-character-per-line limit.)

Comments

[treacle-well.livejournal.com]

It sounds catchier without the "and" and a semi-colon instead of comma makes it sound stodgy.

Good ad.

[treacle-well.livejournal.com]

Um, a semi-colon would make it sound stodgy--meaning I approve of the comma use.

The comma seems strange.

[kyroraz.livejournal.com]

As a person who has been criticized, of course, for using commas too much, it just seems to read very strangely ...

Lie to your friends -- then eat them.

Well maybe. I'm not sure how those two textual pauses are different, but one feels good, the other doesn't.

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

is there a one-page e-mailable description of the volity stuff that I can post or send to friends? I have a couple of groups who might want to play, or even make, but need a better intro than I can give them.

[hauntmeister.livejournal.com]

Hey, that link isn't clickable!

[prog.livejournal.com]

It is if you actually Google for "werewolf".

But, er, don't click that link, because it'll cost us like a nickel if you do. :) I'd rather spend the nickels on people who actually have never heard of Volity before. (It just takes you to http://volity.net anyway.)

[prog.livejournal.com]

What do you think of the copy at http://volity.net/about.html ?

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

that's very nifty, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for. Something simpler and more player-directed. More like here's what and how in one page.

[gemini6ice.livejournal.com]

then I would suggest "Lie to your friends–then eat them."

[radiotelescope.livejournal.com]

Player-centric... the *really* short version is "Play board and card games on-line! Free! Go to volity.net and download our application."

I'm sure there is an intermediate-sized version, but I'm not sure what it is.

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

well, I'm looking for something to e-mail to people I game on line with, so this isn't just a theoretical exercise. I'll probably start with what you said and include the link.

[radtea.livejournal.com]

It needs a period.

"Lie to your friends. Then eat them."

You want the full stop after the first clause to maximize the impact of the second. It isn't quite grammatical ("then eat them" is not a sentence) but it's catchier.

[treacle-well.livejournal.com]

Eh, maybe. Full stop works, but sounds more serious. A shorter implied pause is more flip--and I prefer that tone for this. But that could be just me.

[radtea.livejournal.com]

I like the constrast between the implied seriousness of the full stop and the flipness of the actual content. But I'm weird that way.