A Simple Way To Go Faster Than Light That Does Not Work

Noticed fruit flies hanging out near the sink. OK: time to do the dishes. Turn on water, flies skedaddle to wherever fruit flies go when the jig is up. Fill up sink, do dishes, drain sink to get at the silverware and finish up.

Notice sizeable clump of very recently deceased insect pupae in the corner of the sink. That wasn't my first thought. My first thought was: huh, seeds? rice? What is this, and why didn't they wash away? Why are they stuck... oh dear god

They were larger than fruit flies, but then again the poor babies had just drowned in a flash flood and probably took on some water. Close inspection revealed segmentation and what looked like eye-spots. So it was either some particularly exotic kind of rice pilaf I don't remember eating, or I have just narrowly averted what would have been the unquestionable nadir of my bachelor career thus far.

This page suggests that I dodged that bullet by less than a day.

The dishes were untouched, except for one spoon that many were clinging to. You may be relieved to know I trashed it, after observing the peculiar property that direct faucet blasts wouldn't budge them and yet I could push them around with my finger. Nature is mysterious and beautiful.

Update: Having destroyed their legacy, I am now dealing with a Fly Insurgency. They're being openly vindictive, doing things like walking around inside my toilet and then landing on my toothbrush, taking what revenge they can in the moments before I boil them away with horrible fly-eating chemicals. These flies have nothing left to lose, I guess.

Update 2: I must recognize the fact that I may have hit nadir anyway, just not digging quite as deep as I could have. I did, after all, finally succeed in cultivating a breeding ground for vermin. I mean, literally. Sigh.